Black Friday Deals and Your Marriage

Scott and Cindy

(If you are viewing this blog via e-mail, go to SCOTT’S BLOG for a cleaner copy and more complete information).

Did you get out Black Friday shopping?   I did.  In fact, I was out all night from Thursday at 10:30 pm to Friday morning at 8:00 am (now you know for sure I’m crazy).  Well, think what you may, but I got some really good deals (like McAfee software and Quickbooks, valued at over $ 150, for FREE). 

However, in order to get those deals, I needed a plan.  In fact, before I went out, I knew which stores I was going to and when I needed to be in line for the next store opening.   Walmart to Target to HG Gregg’s to Best Buy to Kohl’s to Kmart to Staples .  If I got hung up at one store, I would miss the opening (and deals) at another store.

Well, your marriage is like that.  In order for you reach the mountaintop in your relationship, there are four steps (or “stores” if you like) you need to navigate.  And, if you get hung up at one step, you miss the “deal” of reaching the mountaintop.

First, you need to figure out Who You Are individually and together.   The Personality and Love Language tests (see previous blogs) help you figure that out.   Many problems in marriage start right here.  If you don’t understand or find solutions to these issues, you forever keep butting heads.

Second, you need to figure out Your Vision for Your Marriage.  It is fascinating (and sad) how many couples have absolutely no idea of what they want to accomplish in their marriage.   This step is vital because of one simple fact:   How can your spouse become the man or woman of your dreams if you do not know what that looks like?   Things like yearly goals and the 5 & 10 list (see previous blog) help you figure out what you truly are expecting from your spouse.

Third, you need to Gain the Skills Necessary to Accomplish that Vision.   It one thing to know where you want to get to — it’s quite another to be able to get there. Many couples struggle at this point in areas like sufficient time together, adequate communication, growing in emotional intimacy, responding well to your spouse’s desires, understanding love and respect, meeting sexual desires,  budgeting, trust, etc.    And, unfortunately, it only takes one or two of these issues to be out of whack for a marriage to really suffer (I know from first-hand experience).

Finally, a couple needs to put into effect an Action Plan to Continue the Progress.  In this step, a couple develops a chart of the top 10 items they each commit to accomplish to help them stay at the mountaintop.

Does it sound like a lot to you?   Well, really, it’s not.  This past spring, I counseled a couple still dealing with an affair that took place three years ago.  They were in a very bad place.  I saw them for only 30 hours(15 sessions).  To their credit, they methodically worked through  each of these four steps.  In the end, they felt ready to be released from counseling.  Just last week, I received an e-mail from the wife saying how well they were doing. 

Now, talk about a Black Friday Deal.  You see, for about the price some people spend shopping on Black Friday, this couple got a new marriage, a renewed vision for the rest of their lives, and a real home for their kids to grow up in.  Not only that, but think about how their legacy will forever change because they took the steps to get marriage help.  Now, my friends, THAT is one deal you won’t find on Black Friday!

If you’d like to sign up for one of these deals, e-mail me ( or call me at 717-802-6604.   I’ve love to help you experience the joy of a mountaintop marriage.

(Below, if you are on my BLOG SITE, you can rate this blog, share this blog on your Facebook,  e-mail this blog to your spouse or one of your friends, select “like”, leave a public comment [look for the small print below, “Leave a comment“], or e-mail me privately at  You can also see our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG or sign up to receive this blog on the upper right hand corner of this page).

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2 Responses to Black Friday Deals and Your Marriage

  1. John says:

    My business and marketing guru states “If you don’t know where you want to go, any road will do. But if you have a specific destination in mind you will need a road map.”

    It is interesting that he also says if something is true – it is true for everything. What’s true for business is here shown to be true in marriage – thanks for the reminder Scott.

    • Dear John,

      Thanks for sharing. Yes, I like what you say. Marriage needs discussion about needs and the development of a plan — otherwise, unmet needs and disappointments creep in. Thanks, again. I plan to put the slogan about a destination and road map in my “to use” file.

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