Some of us spend lots of money on “things” during Christmas. Some of it is really useful (like heated down comforters!!). Other stuff is not so helpful.
This Christmas, I’d like to suggest a “gift idea” that is a little novel, but I believe will end up being very useful.
But, first, let me give you a few facts about marriage. The truth is that still about 50% of marriages in America will end in divorce (about 40% for evangelical Christians).
And, the other 50% – well, let’s just say they are not doing much better. Over the past 15 years, Cindy and I have led 25 thirteen-week marriage enrichment classes inside the church. We have discovered something very interesting. EVERY class we have ever given started with participants ranking their marriage on average between C+ and D+. Now, these are enrichment classes inside the church (I’d wager a guess that the marriage scores for those outside the church would even be a tad lower). And, at least two of those classes were primarily with leaders in both churches where we served.
And, we found something else just as interesting – the husbands ALWAYS on average (except for 1 class) ranked their marriage at a higher score than their wives. Why? Well, I believe it is because husbands feel responsible for the overall health of the marriage, and they frankly don’t want to see themselves as failing. Usually, if you ask the wives, you get a much more accurate answer as to the true health of the relationship.
How would you rank your marriage? Let me give you the test criteria I use and see where you would rank your relationship.
“A” – This is a place where, when you think about your relationship, there are really NO issues and everything is mountaintop. There is hardly a difficult word said between the two of you.
“B” – There are many more positive things said in the relationship than negative things being said. And, you have only a few issues that you believe you will work out and soon get to the mountaintop.
“C” – You are like everyone else. You have your ups and downs. There is an equal amount of positive to negative things being said in the relationship. And, you have lots of issues and a few serious issues.
“D” – You are heading backwards. There are more negative things being said in the relationship than positive. You have lots of issues, and lots of serious issues.
“F” – You are considering filing for divorce.
Now, being totally honest, where do you rank your relationship?
Well, for those of you who have a score less than what you desire, I’ve got some good news. Whatever your score, you don’t need to stay there! You can move to a mountaintop marriage, and you can begin that move as soon as this Christmas!
For you wives: If you need to move your marriage to the mountaintop, why not treat your husband to a Marriage Consultation Gift Certificate. For $ 25 total, you can give your spouse the gift of a 67-question online questionnaire about your marriage that is taken by both of you and scored by me. In addition, you will receive a FREE 2-hour consultation to go over your results. No hassle. No obligations. In doing so, just remind your husbands that it’s only a 2-hour consultation – not marriage counseling. Then, after the 2 hours, you can decide if there are things you desire to work on together, if you like me as a life coach, and whether you’d like to continue moving toward the mountaintop (at which time the cost is only $ 35 per hour ~ which is about 1/2 the hourly cost of a car mechanic and far cheaper than an unhappy marriage or a divorce).
For you husbands: This Christmas season, why not give your wife what she really wants – a mountaintop marriage. Look yourself in the mirror and be man enough to ask your wife what she really thinks about your marriage. And, once she tells you, be man enough to act upon it. Are you really willing to settle for a D, C, or even B marriage in the most important relationship you will ever have? Are you really willing for your legacy to read “average” or even “worse than average” in the most important relationship in your life? This Christmas, you can do something about it.
My guess is that some of you are thinking – but, nothing will change. Well, if that is what you are thinking, think again! If you haven’t read my last two blogs on transformation, read them. They will change your thinking, I guarantee it.
This will be my 51st Christmas ever. In those 51 years, I can only remember a handful of those presents I’ve ever received at Christmas (like the year there was a real-live puppy in one of the boxes!). This year, why not make your Christmas present one your spouse will remember forever – taking concrete and lasting steps towards having the marriage of your dreams.
PS ~ For those of you with great marriages, why not consider giving the gift of a great marriage to another couple and sponsor them for an online questionnaire and 2-hour consultation all for $ 25.
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