Know Your Needs ~ Communication and Recreation

Scott and Cindy

Starting with last week’s blogs, we embarked on a quest to help you discover the changes that would take you to The Marriage of Your Dreams.  In last week’s blogs, we talked about your love language.

As we move forward, I encourage you to keep a list of ideas, with the end goal that you would then narrow that list to about 5 – 10 changes that would skyrocket your relationship.

In this week’s section,  I want you to consider a list I had mentioned previously in my very first blog.  Dr. Harley, in his best-selling book, His Needs/Her Needs, listed the five common needs for wives and the five common needs for husbands that he encountered in his years of counseling.

I have used this book now for probably 10 years or so and I have found it to be extremely helpful.  The needs he describes, in one way or another, have fit the situations of almost every couple I’ve counseled.  As you read this list, read it with an eye of whether what he describes fits your needs.   If so, write that down now before you forget it later today (and remember to include your love language as well on that list).

The needs that a woman desires her husband to meet were listed as the following:  Loving affection /   Daily communication / Financial Responsibility / A Good Father / Real honesty

The needs that a man desires his wife to meet were listed as the following:  Recreational companionship / Respect / Keeping the house a haven / Physical intimacy / Taking time to keep oneself attractive

In the next couple of weeks, I’d like to take some time and write a little bit about each one of these needs (taking one from the wife’s side and one from the husband’s side).   Today, let me address briefly the wife’s need for daily communication and the husband’s need for recreational companionship.

As Gary Smalley once put it, “guys speak about 10,000 words per day, while women speak 20,000 words per day, with gusts to 30,000.”  Research has shown that, when asked to walk into a room with two chairs facing a wall and talk, little girls will pull the chairs around, look each other in the eyes, and start talking.   Little boys, on the other hand, will keep the chairs facing the wall, and will say a lot less words.

For whatever reason, most women are wired for verbal communication.  They want to talk (facing the other person is preferable when talking) and they want someone to listen to them (isn’t that why they have so many girlfriends).  Now, guys, what most wives really want is for you to become their “best girlfriend”.  By that I mean that they desire for you to listen to them like their best girlfriend would.  I love it when my wife refers to me as her “best girlfriend” because it means that I have taken the time to listen to what is really on her heart.

So, wives, what does it mean for your husband to be your “best girlfriend”?  How much time do you desire each day for your husband to debrief with you about your day (15 minutes, 30 minutes, etc)?   In my experience, most wives would be ecstatic if their husbands spent 15 minutes per day listening to their heart.  This isn’t a time where the husband offers advice or solves the wife’s problems, but rather a time when he just listens.   Ladies, if this is a need of yours, put it on your list and write the number of minutes you’d like your husband to spend with you each day.

Husbands, on the other hand, are wired for action.   They don’t want to talk, they want to do — they want recreational companionship.  And, many husbands desire their wives to be part of their activities.  For some, this means having their wives take up table tennis, foosball, bowling, tennis, or golf.  You can even play these sports indoors now with Wii Sports of Xbox.   Or, it can mean taking an interest in football and sitting with him to watch the game and go wild when he does.  At the very least, it means having their wives come and watch their activities!

So, husbands, does this apply to you?  If it does, then how many and which activities each week do you desire your wife to join you in?   Put it on the list you are creating.

So, your homework for this week is this:   First, start your “Needs list”.  Second, think about Harley’s list, especially these two items of communication and relational companionship.   Do you have need in these areas?   If so, put those needs on your list.

If you need help thinking about how to make communication or recreational companionship meaningful for your relationship, e-mail me at  I can help.

Look for my next blog on Thursday on my continuing dialogue on how you balance the call to “meet needs” with the Apostle Paul’s words that “I have found the secret to be content in all things”.

PS.  We love feedback.  You can easily offer your thoughts by clicking the “Comment” button below.  In addition, if you are at my BLOG SITE, you can share this blog on your Facebook or e-mail it to someone.  Visit our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG.

PPS:   If you’d like to receive my twice-a-week blogs through your e-mail, go to my BLOG SITE and sign up in the upper right hand corner.

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Why is Knowing My Love Language Important?

Scott and Cindy

In my last blog, we talked about how to understand your love language and that of your spouse.   Today, I want to share why that is so vitally important.

Gary Chapman, the author of The Five Love Languages, says this about loving your spouse:  “Being sincere is not enough.  We must be willing to learn our spouse’s primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love”.

Think of it this way.  Imagine you are at the carnival standing at the dart/balloon game.  You are handed three darts and the goal is to hit three balloons that are hung right in front of you.  Then, imagine you turn 90 degrees to your right and throw your darts at the wall where they hang the stuffed animal prizes.   Because you are throwing in the wrong direction, you do not hit a single balloon.

Well, many couples are like that.  I sincerely believe that most spouses really do try to hit the balloons (they actually are sincere in their effort to throw the darts).  Unfortunately, they are throwing at the wrong wall!   Wasted effort.  Because they have not taken the time to understand their spouse’s love language, they are not even facing the target.

The other reason you need to know your spouse’s love language is this:  “Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary emotional love language.  We tend to speak our primary love language and we become confused when our spouse does not understand what we are communicating.” (Gary Chapman).

So, we assume that everything is fine if we love our spouse the way we want to be loved.   Wrong.   It is likely that the way they want to be loved is different than the way you want to be loved.  And, if you don’t know that, you’ll make the mistake of loving them the wrong way.

How can you be sure you are throwing the darts at the right balloons and loving them the way they want to be loved.  Well, take the 10 minute online test I described in my last blog.  It can’t get much easier than that — it’s fun, it’s informative, and it could revolutionize your marriage.

Why is this so important?   Well, Gary Chapman wrote, “the need to feel loved by one’s spouse is at the heart of marital desires.  A man said to me recently, ‘What good is the house, the cars, the place at the beach, or any of the rest of it if your wife doesn’t love you?’  Do you understand what he was saying.  ‘More than anything, I want to be loved by my wife'”.

Chapman goes on to write, “Meeting my wife’s need for love is a choice I make each day.  If I know her primary love language and choose to speak it, her deepest emotional need will be met and she will feel secure in my love.  If she does the same for me, my emotional needs are met and both of us live with a full tank”.

It couldn’t be much simpler to understand, really.

And, frankly, it couldn’t get much closer to the heart of what Christ calls Christians to do in our marriages.  The New Testament coined a new Greek word for love ~ agape.   Agape means the sacrificial love of putting others before yourself (The Good Samaritan, for example).

The Bible’s word for love is a verb, not a noun.  It is something you do, not necessarily something you feel.  As a Christian, we are called to put the interests of others before ourselves (to consider the example of Christ, as it says in Philippians 2:1f).  If that is the case (and Christ modeled that for us on the cross), how much more should we be focused on meeting the needs of the most important person in our life on earth (our spouse).

The way I look at it, the only way to take home the stuffed animal prize is to be shooting AT the right balloon targets.  Frankly, I think it makes a whole lot more sense to shoot at the right target and TAKE HOME the prize than to leave empty handed.  Don’t you?

I happen to really like stuffed animal prizes… though what I really yearn for is to see the love in my wife’s eyes when I serve her needs.  Makes all the shooting worthwhile.

If you take the online test and need insight into understanding the results and where to go from there, e-mail me.  I can help.

PS.  We love feedback.  You can easily offer your thoughts by clicking the “Comment” button below.  In addition, if you are at my BLOG SITE, you can share this blog on your Facebook or e-mail it to someone.  Visit our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG.

PPS:   If you’d like to receive my twice-a-week blogs through your e-mail, go to my BLOG SITE and sign up in the upper right hand corner.

Posted in Love Languages, Needs in a Marriage | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

Know Your Needs ~ Love Languages

Scott and Cindy

Well, as I mentioned in my last blog, we are going to embark on a new adventure this year in systematically going through a four-step process of helping you get to The Marriage of Your Dreams.

In this first section (that will take a month or more to complete), I want to help you create a list of needs/desires that would thrill you if your spouse were to meet them.

To start and to ensure we are all on the same page as we begin, we need to backtrack to something fun I’ve talked about before — Love Languages.   Below, I am reprinting something I’ve written before (and added some to it) in the hopes that you will take the online test that is given if you haven’t already.  And, please remember that your love language can change over time.  So, it may be time to take the test again, even if you have taken it before.

Have you ever felt like you and your spouse were “passing each other in the night”?   If so, you’re not alone.

This was exactly what was happening to Harry & Sally (changed names, true story).

You see, Harry & Sally were married for a little over a year when they began having that “passing each other in the night” kind of feeling.  And, it didn’t go away until one day they took a test and had one of those “Ah-hah” moments.  You know, one of those moments when the fog lifts and the issue becomes crystal clear.

What Harry & Sally realized was that there was a very GOOD reason why they were “passing each other in the night”.  The test they took was one that involved ranking their “love languages”.   What they discovered shocked them.  You see, Harry scored really high on “touch”, but really low on “encouraging words”.  Sally, on the other hand, scored really high on “encouraging words”, and really low on “touch”.

This was a real problem.   Why?   Because we tend to love each other the way WE want to be loved.  So, Harry was loving Sally with “touch” (which she didn’t appreciate!), and Sally was loving Harry with “encouraging words” (and he really did not care!).

So, they really were “ships passing in the night”.

But that all changed after they took the test.   Sally, knowing that Harry loved “touch”, began to read books on physical intimacy and a man’s need in that area.  And Harry, knowing that Sally loved “encouraging words”, began showering her with praise every day (it was actually on a list on the refrigerator for many years to remind him to do it daily).

Now, instead of “ships passing in the night”, they are more like a bow and violin making beautiful music together.

How about you?  Do you know what your love language is?  According to some writers, there are five different types of love languages (touch, quality time, encouraging words, gift giving, and acts of service).

If you aren’t sure what your love language is, you can take a free online test to find out.  You will find the test online at  Click here (or put this website into your browser) and answer INDIVIDUALLY the 30 questions they give you (it takes about 10 minutes to do).  Then, the website will give you your answers and give you a brief explanation of your top love language.  By the way, this website is the official website of the author, Gary Chapman, who wrote the book on love languages!

Oh, and something fun to do as well to get your spouse involved.   Once you’ve taken the test, go back and do it again — only, this time, answer the questions AS IF your spouse were answering them.  See if you can guess what they would say.   Now, if your spouse is not currently reading along with us, send them this blog and ask them to take the test (both for them AND also as if they are doing one of you).   Then, compare your answers and see how close you got to getting your spouse right !

It’s fun ~ AND you actually might just have one those “Ah-hah” moments that could change the trajectory of your relationship forever.  Why settle for “ships passing in the night” when you can make beautiful music together?

If you need help making sense of what your test results mean, e-mail me at  I have plenty of suggestions for ways that people can speak each other’s love language.

Look for my next blog on Thursday on the importance of knowing your love language.

PS.  We love feedback.  You can easily offer your thoughts by clicking the “Comment” button below.  In addition, if you are at my BLOG SITE, you can share this blog on your Facebook or e-mail it to someone.  Visit our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG.

PPS:   If you’d like to receive my twice-a-week blogs through your e-mail, go to my BLOG SITE and sign up in the upper right hand corner.

Posted in Love Languages, Needs in a Marriage | Tagged , | 1 Comment

A Plan for the Next Few Months

Scott and Cindy

As I mentioned in a blog two weeks ago, I was reflecting upon a 4-hour teaching seminar Cindy and I gave for a local church’s Weekend Marriage Retreat.

So, as I was praying about what direction to take my blogs for 2012 and the goal of helping you achieve the marriage of your dreams, I felt impressed to loosely follow the outline we used for our talk.

As I mentioned before, over the next few months or more, I will be systematically going through what I shared with that group.

In a nutshell, as I see it, the pathway to the marriage of your dreams goes through four distinct areas:

1.   First, You Must Know Your True Needs & Desires.

2.  Second, You Must Be Able to Express Well Those Needs & Desires to Your Spouse.

3.  Third, Both Partners Must Be Willing to Meet the Other Spouse’s Needs & Desires.

4.  Finally, You Must Create a Plan to Ensure that the Steps You Take to Meet Those Needs & Desires Will Last a Lifetime.

Over the years, I’ve used this general overview (with slight modifications) with a wide range of clients, from people recovering from affairs to couples just needing a mild tune-up.  Across the board, the process has been highly effective.

As we proceed over this coming year, I have felt impressed to use a two-part weekly plan.   First, on Mondays, I will be sending you a Growth Assignment that you might find helpful as you seek to grow in your relationship with your spouse.  The Growth Assignment will range in the amount of time it will take to complete it.   Do whatever you can do, remembering that the more you put into the it, the more you will get out of it.

Second, on Thursdays, I will reflect upon the assignment I gave on Monday and give a theological, research, or practical reason why doing this assignment would benefit your relationship.   That way, if you are not convinced on Monday that doing this assignment would be helpful to you, you may change your mind (and still have time to do it over the weekend) as a result of Thursday’s blog.

As we start this year, remind yourself that the information you receive in this blog will only be beneficial to you to the degree you actually put it into practice in your own life.   For the most part in marriages, information is only meaningful to the degree it is used to bring transformation!

In my next blog, I will be giving you a Growth Assignment to help you identify your needs in your relationship.  It has amazed me the number of people I have met over the years who could not verbalize,  in the beginning, what they felt would make their marriage a truly satisfying one.   Think about it — it is almost impossible for your spouse to meet your needs if you don’t know (and don’t verbalize) those needs to him/her.  The truth is that we get so busy with meeting financial demands and caring for our families that our marriage needs get shoved to the BACK of the bus.  However, if you want a truly satisfying relationship, your needs and desires need to move to the FRONT of the bus.

So, look for my blog on Monday — in the meantime — roll up your sleeves, and get motivated (by reading my previous blogs if you haven’t already done so) and let’s get moving up that mountain to a mountaintop marriage !

PS:   Sorry for the delay in this week’s blog ~ life at the Minnich ranch was just too crazy ~ ever feel that way?   Hopefully, I will be able to stick to a Monday/Thursday schedule for most of the year!

PPS.  We love feedback.  You can easily offer your thoughts by clicking the “Comment” button below.  In addition, if you are at my BLOG SITE, you can share this blog on your Facebook or e-mail it to someone.  Visit our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG.

PPPS:   If you’d like to receive my twice-a-week blogs through your e-mail, go to my BLOG SITE and sign up in the upper right hand corner.

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“The Root of Unsatisfying Marriages”

Scott and Cindy

In my previous two blogs, I wrote about the biblical reasons for being intentional about meeting your spouse’s needs.   Today, I’d like to finish my justification for “meeting needs” by looking at reasons for unhappy marriages.

As you can imagine, a spouse’s feeling of not being loved and valued represents a serious problem for the relationship.   Research reveals that not being loved or valued represents a significant predictor of divorce.

In a study done by Lynn Gigy and Joan Kelly of the California Divorce Mediation Project and referenced by America’s foremost divorce expert, John Gottman, “the major reasons for divorcing given by close to 80% of all men and women were gradually growing apart and losing a sense of closeness, and not feeling loved and appreciated” (emphasis added), (Gottman, The Marriage Clinic, p. 23, 1999).

In addition, Gottman summarized several research projects investigating the reasons for divorce. He wrote that “feeling unloved” was the most commonly cited reason (emphasis added) for wanting a divorce (67% of the women in the California study and 75% in a Danish study).

He went on to conclude that “most marriages end with a whimper, the result of people gradually drifting apart and not feeling liked, loved, and respected” (Gottman, The Marriage Clinic, 1999, p. 24).  If you marriage is drifting apart, you are not alone.

With regard to the actual divorce rate, the good news is that the “church attending” Christian divorce rate stands about 35% less than those with no church affiliation.  The bad news is that the divorce rate for “church attending” Christians is still about 32% to 38%  (see Bradley Wright, in Christians are Hate-Filled Hypocrites…and Other Lies You’ve Been Told, 2010, p. 133).   Imagine that ~ one in three “church attending” marriages will end in divorce.  And, most of the rest aren’t really that happy !

In addition to the potential for divorce, a wife’s feeling unloved and not valued contributes to other problems as well.   Everett Worthington, a prominent researcher, writes, “When people do not feel loved (that is, valued), they may feel sad, angry, jealous, depressed, resentful or bitter….When they deal with the emotions in the flesh, the emotions grow and transmute into even uglier emotions….When people do not feel loved, they also act…they may seek revenge, become self-preoccupied or withdraw from the marriage psychologically or physically” (Worthington, Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling, p. 46).

Finally, for all you guys out there, research indicates that wives are less satisfied in their marriages than husbands.  Is it any wonder that it is usually the wives who drag their husbands to counseling?  According to research, wives are more likely than husbands to be unhappy with their marriage and to have thoughts of divorce (Bernard, 1972; Huber and Spitze, 1980; Kitson, 1992; Amato & Rogers, 1997).

So, what can you do about it?   Well, first, understand that if not feeling loved is at the core of an unhappy marriage, than meeting needs must be at the core of a satisying relationship.  And, second, resolve to meet your spouse’s needs.  It’s not really rocket science, yet most couples don’t  get to a mutually satisfying relationship.  How sad!

As we begin in 2012 to look at ways to meet needs in your marriage, one suggestion I have for you is to have your spouse read along in these blogs.  That way, you can discuss the ideas as they come up.  One suggestion I have to get your spouse to read along is for you to give them a little incentive for doing it (ask your spouse what a suitable reward might look like for reading along and then do it for them — it will be worth your while, I promise).   If you are having problems getting your spouse to read along, contact me as I’d be happy to brainstorm with you how to get that to take place.

My next blog will start us with Step # 1 to meeting needs (and having your needs met).  Boy, that sounds a whole lot better than divorce or an unhappy marriage.  Don’t you agree?

PS:   If you’d like to receive my twice-a-week blogs through your e-mail, go to my BLOG SITE and sign up in the upper right hand corner.

PPS.  We love feedback.  You can easily offer public comments by clicking the “Comment” button below.  You can also e-mail me privately at  In addition, if you are at my BLOG SITE, you can share this blog on your Facebook or e-mail it to someone.  Visit our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG.

Posted in Divorce Statistics, Needs in a Marriage | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

“# 2 ~ The Marriage of God’s Dreams”

Scott and Cindy

Recently, I was reflecting upon a 4-hour teaching seminar Cindy and I gave for a local church’s Weekend Marriage Retreat.

As I was praying about what direction to take my blogs for 2012 and the goal of helping you achieve the marriage of your dreams, I felt impressed to loosely follow the outline we used for our talk.

So, over the next few months, I will be systematically going through what I shared with that group (which means you get the benefits without paying the $’s!).

However, before we get there, I wanted to share something I read today as I was working on my doctoral thesis.  It fits well with what I shared in my last blog, in which I stated that meeting needs is something that God intends for marriage.

In my reading today, I came across an Old Testament scholar’s take on Genesis 2.  Ray Ortlund reminded me that the garden that Adam inhabited before the fall was almost a perfect place.

It was generously supplied not only with the necessities of life, but “also with rich luxuries to be wondered at under any circumstances”.   Furthermore, the “tree of life” existed to sustain the man indefinitely with ample sustenance.   And, Adam was given meaningful work (“to work and till the garden”).  In addition, God throws open to the man the freedom to enter into the joys of his new existence with only one restriction (the “tree of good and evil”).  And, to top it all off, God was there!

YET, “amid abundant provision, meaningful responsibility, personal care from God, and splendid promise for the future, God puts his finger on the one flaw in this otherwise ideal environment:  “It is not good for the man to be alone”.”   Amazingly, Adam had needs that only his wife could meet.

So, total perfection demanded one more creative act ~ the provision of a helpmate for the man!  As I was reading Orlund’s exposition of Genesis 2, I was struck anew with just how dynamic God intended this relationship to be.

The English doesn’t do well with translating the Hebrew.  Let me paraphrase Genesis 2:23-24 using some of Ortlund’s insights.

Genesis 2:23:   This woman, this one right here, this amazing woman standing right in front of me, at last and I mean FINALLY, oh how long have I been waiting for her, she is FINALLY here.   She is a part of me, and I am a part of her.

Genesis 2:24:  Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave and they will become one flesh — and by cleave I mean that the highest allegiance I have is to my wife (above the allegiance to my parents ~ she I will put above all other human relationships).  Ortlund goes on to write:   “Furthermore, to cleave means that, physically, the man takes his wife in his arms,  so that in the course of normal life their marriage is frequently symbolized, celebrated, and refreshed through sexual union.  Emotionally, the man fixes upon her alone his deepest affections, under God, with a profound sense of attachment, contentment, and fulfillment…The new life created by a marriage fuses a man and wife together into one, fully sharing human experience,s prompting mutual care, tenderness, and love.

I think Adam looked at his wife and said, “Wow ~ Now This Is Living!” (or, as I like to say to my wife, “You Are Sexy”! )

And, yet, as I captured anew a vision for my own marriage, something else he wrote violently grabbed me ~ Orlund wrote ~ “There comes a day when every married man, stripped of everything he cherishes in this life must let go even of his beloved wife’s hand.  Marriage is profound, but not ultimate.”   While I am married to my wife here on earth, I will not be in heaven.  Our union, though a life-time, will not be an eternity-time.

So, as I sat there reading those words, tears flowed down my cheeks.   Realizing that my days to honor and love my wife are numbered (as in, one fewer than they were yesterday), I resolved to love her to the best of my ability while I am privileged to have the opportunity.

So as we enter 2012, I wonder if you will join me in setting aside the shallow excitement of much of what we chase, and set about the business of joining Adam in saying, “WOW ~ NOW THIS IS LIVING!”  I’m betting Adam was living one heck of a romance ~ don’t you think ?   I’d like to join him.  I’d love to have you join me in the journey.

PS:   If you’d like to receive my twice-a-week blogs through your e-mail, go to my BLOG SITE and sign up in the upper right hand corner.

PPS.  We love feedback.  You can easily offer your thoughts by clicking the “Comment” button below.  In addition, if you are at my BLOG SITE, you can share this blog on your Facebook or e-mail it to someone.  Visit our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG.

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The “Marriage of God’s Dreams”

Scott and Cindy

In my last blog, I wrote about working towards “The Marriage of Your Dreams” in 2012 ~ a worthy goal !

However, before we get too far down that path, I want to reflect upon what God desires for your marriage.  Why did God create marriage?  And, if you knew that, what difference does it make?

GOD’S REASONS FOR MARRIAGE:   First, I believe that God created marriage as a means to meet legitimate needs (that most of us have) in a dynamic way.   Remind yourself that God said of Adam that “it is not good for the man to be alone” (Gen 2:18).  The point here is that we are created with needs that only a person who intimately knows us can meet and satisfy.  We have a need to be known, to be loved for who we are as a person (and not just for what our body looks like), and to be cared for.  In fact, the Bible declares that marriage is to be like two people becoming one (“and the two shall become one flesh”, Genesis 2:24).  Most scholars see this “one flesh” representing the meeting of, at the very least, emotional and physical needs.

One of those profound needs that is met in marriage is for sexual fulfillment in a good and proper environment.   The Bible, in numerous places, affirms that physical intimacy inside marriage is a good thing (Song of Songs, Pro 5:18-19, 1 Cor 7:2-5, Heb 13:4).  And, furthermore, lifelong commitment provides an ideal environment for a child’s maturity.

Second, God created marriage as a means to help you grow to be more like Jesus.  For example, in Ephesians 5:33, God calls the husband to love his wife (putting aside their selfish desires for the wellbeing of their wife) and for the wives to respect their husbands.  Very few (if any) places in life will cause you to “be a servant” and “die to self” more than your relationship to your spouse. 

Finally, God created marriage as means to offer the good news of God’s love to a sick and dying world.  If you are a Christian  couple, then your marriage is a symbolic representation of the love between God and the church.  Ephesians 5:21-33 (also Revelation 21:1-7) states that God’s love for His church can be symbolically represented by a godly marriage.  When your Christian marriage is working well, you are symbolically reflecting God’s love to the world and the respect that is due Him for that love. 

You might say, “So what”?   Well, I think there is a HUGE “so what”.  First, if God has these intentions for your marriage, then He will empower you to achieve these goals  He will be in your corner to help you meet your spouse’s needs, to grow more like Him in the process, and to get to a place where your marriage is a witness to the world.  NOTHING is impossible with His power and giving up should not be an option (see my blogs on transformation and transformation #2 if you think otherwise). 

Second, if I am right, then the focus on meeting each other’s needs is “right on”.  We sometimes shy away from meeting needs as if that is too hard, too much effort, not worth the effort, etc.  Yet, it is ONLY through the meeting of needs that the dynamic relationship you are seeking will come to fruition.  It is amazing to me that, when presented with the option, NO SPOUSE has ever stated to me that meeting their spouse’s need was not worth the love they were seeking in return.

Third, and finally, if I am right, then the picture of God’s marriage for you is one of passion (Song of Songs), meeting needs (Adam and his needs), growth in maturity (Eph 5:21f), and dynamism (John 10:10) so much that it witnesses to a dying world (Phil 2:15).

And, aren’t those characteristics a lot like the romance novels I wrote about in my last blog?  Really, now, who needs a fictional novel when you can have God in your corner creating that kind of passion and growth for real in your own marriage?  Get strapped in — we’re in for a real adventure !

(Below, if you are on Scott’s BLOG SITE, you can rate this blog, share this blog on your Facebook,  e-mail this blog to your spouse or one of your friends, select “like”, leave a public comment [look for the small print below, “Leave a comment“], or e-mail me privately at  You can also see our website at www.MarriageMechanic.ORG or sign up to receive this blog on the upper right hand corner of this page).

Posted in Communication and Time Together, Marriage of Your Dreams | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments